Saturday, August 27, 2005

Haaaaappy Saturday!

Nobody will believe what Sweetie told me about today. He got to meet a real Medicine Woman in South Dakota.

She told him that one of his tripmates would have a fever in about four hours or so.

It happened.

Then an eagle flew overhead, but some missed it. So the Medicine Woman said she'd contact the eagle and ask it to come back again. She went off, meditated in a special place, and then came back and informed everyone that the eagle would fly back overhead just before they left for the Pow Wow.

Later that day, ten minutes before they left for the Pow Wow, there came the eagle.

How cool is that?

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Where is ST???

I can't seem to find my Sweet Tea. I hope she's in the hospital eliminating the watermelon she swallowed that's been lodged in her lower abdoment.

I wonder what she decided to name her!

I hope I can reach her tonight. She started maternity leave, so of course her work e-mail and work phone aren't options. Her cell hasn't seemed to result in any contact. She's probably busier than heck. And she and her darling hubby are moving into their new house, so there is no Internet service there yet.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

feelin pouty and sorry for myself


Can't get motivated.

So pissy.

Stuck with more than a messy house and dirty dishes and laundry and two dogs to take care of.

Stuck with a mountain of organizational "catch up" that nobody seems to "notice" but me. Frustrating.

I thought I would really appreciate a week alone to get stuff done. The week is half over and I'm too frustrated to do anything. I feel bummed he's off having fun and I'm not. I tried to make up for it shopping a bit, but I don't feel better.

I think some of it is likely the emotional crap with fsil and S. Stupid crap nobody should have to deal with.

I'm just spent. Bleh.

? Paris ?

Monday, August 22, 2005

So much to say....

First, I just had a GREAT run. I walked the dogs a mile and a half, then brought them home and hit the pavement. 2 miles. Felt so strong! I think partially because it's a lot cooler today than it has been. I ran just over 10 minute miles without trying. It was actually a very comfortable pace, then I just kept going until I made it home. One of the first times ever that I ran my charted course and actually was bummed when it was overwith. I felt like going more! But I think it's better to stay on track and not overdo it. As it stands, Monday is supposed to be a rest day, so I specifically only did a short run. They are about to get looooonger!

Second, the drama is apparently overwith from yesterday. I don't know all the details. But I guess my sister has decided to leave this boy in the past.

Third, and BEST, my sister is officially a MEDICAL ASSISTANT! Woohoo! So proud! Her first day was great. She jumped right in with both feet and actually helped set up and watch a procedure being done. She got a bit queasy, but the staff was encouraging and let her know that it bothered all of them the first few times they saw it.

Last, I have just made a mistake for the second time. I got married the first time, actually on this very date, August 22nd. When I got married, I thought I was getting more than a husband. I thought I was getting two sisters too. I could not have been more wrong.

Well it looks like I basically did the same thing again. Sweetie has a sister, and I just presumed I was getting another sister and a friend. I wrote about a surprising wake up call back on 8/1/05 when I realized that I had to be careful with what I shared with her lest she twist it around in effort to communicate her own feelings to her bf without actually identifying them as her own thoughts and feelings. (i.e. - she's pissed off to be stuck home with his two children while he leaves town, but after whining to me about it, she goes ahead and tells him that I had a problem with it and thought it was inappropriate. That's about as spineless as it gets. Just stand up and tell him how you feel already! You were pissed off and thought he took advantage of you, and you are the only responsible one! It wasn't hard for her to tell me what she is feeling. Why can't she share it with the man she supposedly loves and plans to marry someday? Sounds like horseshit to me.)

Well it just got worse. Now she's stooped lower than just twisting my words around to suit her motives. Now she's begun to fabricate things to make her own life and relationship look better. She actually told someone that Sweetie and I argue a lot, and it "worries" her. What a bunch of SHIT. Of course, she said this to someone who is gentle with her, and accepting of her choices, but likely skeptical of her relationship. So she has plenty of motivation to dog other peoples' relationships to make her own look better. Yeah. A double income relationship between two adult professionals who have been in love for 14 years is really cause for concern, even if we did argue too much. Whatever.

For the record, we do argue, but just as any other couple does. I would trade our open way of expressing our feelings, both good and bad, to each other.

I'm not even going to confront her. I am so shocked, and I'm just glad I came to understand her true colors this clearly before I do marry into this family. I'm glad I know how she and her mother operate, both together and apart. I'm glad I know this before I have children who will call them Grandmother and Aunt.

And I'm sorry for her. This is hugely her loss, not mine. I was always there for her. Whether she needed a shoulder to cry on, a babysitter, some money, help with legal shit, whatever. I don't see anyone else offering her that sort of friendship. Maybe this is why. Come to think of it, every friend she's ever had that I knew of didn't stay friends with her for too long. Hmm. Sounds like a repetitive case of political drama beyond its worth.

Sometimes the apple just doesn't fall far from the tree, you know?

And so with this, I will emerge into the future with one less dramatic parasite. I will always treat her well. Plan holidays together. But she'll be an obligatory family member, not a friend, and sure the fuck not a sister.

I have just enjoyed some shrimp creole reheated from Fishbones last week. Mmmm. Now I've got the two best dogs in the world lying at my feet. I'm going to run off and do some housework, then settle into bed and do some work.

And if there's time, I'll even finish the pent up rant that burns in my soul about the tree that the apple didn't fall from.

Good night world!

Today is a busy day!

Hardcore training starts today! Look out world. I'm about to get totally buff.

Tomorrow I'm at the plant all day. Yay! Jeans! :-)

Gotta run home and let the dawgs out.

If My Life Were a Movie....

You scored as A Cinderella Story. You believe in love unconditionally. You can love someone know matter who they are You go girll!

A Cinderella Story


Legally Blonde


Charlies Angels


The Notebook


Mean Girls


What Chick Flick is just like Your Life?
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Sunday, August 21, 2005

Such drama today...

My sister, who we'll call S, has been dating a guy behind the whole world's back.

I'm part of that whole world.

Several times I've spoken to her by phone or in person as she runs in or out of my parents' home where she still lives, and she is short, curt, factual, and distant. Very different from how things used to be with her.

Why on earth is she hiding this? Well, because she is 23 and he is 18. He is in high school and she is in college. She is a very typical white girl and he is of chaldean descent. (Which does NOT make him a *bad* person on ANY level - but DOES imply some serious cultural differences that any two people would have to consider... Let's ponder those for a few minutes before any readers think I'm prejudiced. I know some friends of his. He is not, I repeat not, supposed to be dating a white chick. He can NOT marry a white chick. Why then, is he dating my sister? Isn't dating a process of learning who and what you are compatible with in order to select a partner?)

Yesterday S called me to ask if I wanted to go shopping with her. I was actually stunned that she called. I told her the truth - I had a work obligation to take care of. Customers to take out and entertain. If I could wiggle out of it early enough for the stores to still be open, I'd give her a call and we'd meet up someplace. That didn't work out. I wasn't home until very late.

So first thing this morning I called her. And called her. And called her. (Not quite as repetitive as that sounds - each call was more than an hour a part from the previous or the next.) All together I think I made four calls in 5 hours. One of them resulted in a voice mail message. The message was that I was wondering if she still wanted to do some shopping and had time today. (She starts a brand new job tomorrow and needs to look her best!)

My other sister, who we'll call B, was on AIM. I said hello, she said hello, I mentioned shopping, and she said "what time?" We discussed where to go, and I suggested an outlet mall not too far from here. B thought it was a great idea. S wasn't mentioned in this conversation.

So I shower and pick up B. We drive to the outlet mall, which is about 45 min to 1 hour from either of our homes. On the way there, B, who also lives with our parents when she's not away at school, mentions that S is at the same outlet mall with some girlfriends. She also mentions that she had never heard of the names that S reported she'd be with that day for her shopping excursion. B wondered where S had met those people. Were they from work? Anyway, I was just excited to know that S was shopping, and we'd all be able to hook up. On the way, B calls S to try to make some basic arrangements and at least know what area she's in.

B calls S's phone. S answers.
S: Hello?
B: Hey! Are you still shopping?
S: Yes!
B: Where are ya at?
S: Birch Run
B: Cool, who are you shopping with?
S: What? I can't hear you well. Windy. I'll call you back.

S never called back.

B and I get there. We decide we'll drive around and see what area S parked in. We drive all around the place, and we don't see her. We decide we'll sneak up and surprise her! :-)

But we're not having any luck finding her. So B calls S's phone again. It's been at least 20 - 25 minutes since the last call. S answers. B is trying to be a little bit incognito so we can surprise S.

S: Hello?
B: Hello!
S: What's up?
B: Are you still at Birch Run?
S: Yeah, why?
B: What store are you in? Is there a BCBG store there?
S: No, no, I'm just arriving there now. I'm not in any store yet.
B: Oh! You're just now getting there?
S: Yeah.
B: Okay cool. Bye!
S: Bye.

B and I find a clever place to sit where we can see all traffic coming in the only entrance of the place. Our mission is to see S, and presumably her friends, and swoop in to surprise her, and then all have some late lunch together. B and I were laughing about having driven all over the place looking for S or S's car.

After sitting for about ten to fifteen minutes, with no S pulling in, B and I are growing a bit concerned. Where was she?

So after fifteen minutes, B calls S again.

S: Hello?
B: Hey, have you gotten there yet?
S: Why? What are you talking about?
B: I drove out to Birch Run! I'm waiting for you. Did you pull in yet?
S: (pauses for a bit of silence.) You are at Birch Run?
B: Yes! Where are you?
S: I'm not at Birch Run. I'm in Lexington. If you talk to Mom, tell her you saw me here with Sara.
B: Great. Whatever.

Now at this point B and I are both very angry. Why does S feel she has to lie to us all the time now? What's her problem? We went to Pizza Uno for lunch and talked more about it there. Then we shopped, but were seriously pissed that we'd wasted so much time on S.

After shopping for about an hour or so, B mentioned that she was stuck, because S had just told her to say S had been seen with Sara. However, B remembered that the names of the two girls S was originally going out with did not include Sara. What would happen when she got the dates wrong? After much discussion, we decided to both just say that we never saw her there. We looked, but it was busy, and we never found her. Seemed like a good plan.

B and I returned to my parents' house after we did some successful shopping. The stores closed at 6. We were home by about 7:15 after not getting out until a bit after closing, and then walking to the car a good two miles away, and then driving back through construction.

We hung out for a bit. Then things got really exciting. Exciting as in crazy and full of commotion, not exciting as in cool and breathtaking.

While there, we were all looking at the computer in the living room. Several live journals of various young people my brother knows were bookmarked. We were looking at them when one came up with a picture of the locak high school football team on it. I said something like, "C has friends already in high school?" and I scrolled downward. In huge capital letters I saw S's name in the text, so I focused in to read it. While I did so, my mother happened by and stopped to peak too. It said something about S being so effing hot. I'm a bit concerned because I was still under the impression that this journal belongs to one of C's friends and they are all 13 and 14. So writing about your buddy's much older sister being "effing hot" isn't exactly acceptable. So we read on a little bit and I discovered, that we were all reading S's "boyfriend's" journal. Holy cow. I stopped reading it. But my mother kept on. Among other things, it talked on and on about how he and S were planning to go up to Port Austin to the beach on Sunday.

(So was it Lexington or Port Austin? Good Lord.)

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Beach! But no water.

Ran at the beach this morning with my friend M. She and I are training for a half marathon together.

I ran a little and walked a lot. But that's okay for now.

Felt a nasty blister growing on my toe, and couldn't wait to get back to the car and head toward the water to walk in it. Got all the way back, and realized we had parked in the boat area and there was no shoreline. So no water on my toes. I was far too tired to hike to any of the other beach sites. So I headed home.

Friday, August 12, 2005

The Funky Lime

Last night Sweetie beat me home. No surprise there. He has regular hours, and when the big hand on the clock gets to a certain spot, they get up and leave where he's employed. That doesn't happen in my world. I could easily work from 6 in the morning until 9 at night every day, including weekends, and still have stuff to do.

Anyhow, the point is he beat me home. So he calls me, and I happen to be just getting on the freeway. Here is how our conversation goes:

Sweetie: Did you leave a fruit of some kind on the fence?
Me: A fruit? On the fence? What?
Sweetie: Yeah, a fruit. On the gate. Right where the latch is. Some sort of funky lime or something.
Me: No. I didn't. Limes don't grow in Michigan. Don't touch it. I'll be right home.

Now let me interject here by saying that even though we are both very much city people, Sweetie is more of a city person that anyone. He understands concrete, asphalt, Kentucky Bluegrass, Hostas, and Impatiens. Okay, he also knows maple and oak trees, and where the little green "airplane" things are for that fall off the maple trees. But that's about it. (Not that I'm a whole lot better.)

So I get home and jump out of the car. Head for the gate. Sure enough, there is a small, roundish, green object sitting on the latch. It's a walnut. I have sudden flashbacks of my childhood, when we used to go visit some family friends out in Almont, Michigan, who had some serious land. Willow tries with branches perfect to swing on, and a tiny river you could swing across on the willow branches. Gardner snakes. Mowed grass stretching further than you could run without getting tired. And, walnut trees. Green out-of-round baseballs with brown spots that smelled sort of green and spicy and good.

I walk inside, and there is Sweetie at the sink.

Sweetie: Did you see it?
Me: What? The "funky lime?"
Sweetie: Yeah, what is it?
Me: It's a walnut.
Sweetie: No, it can't be. Really?
Me: Yep. That's how walnuts grow. On trees. I'll show you later.
Sweetie: (stands silent and perplexed.)

So we head out the door to take my Grandparents out for dinner and then to help my dad with something he and I had arranged to do.

We get back home at about 11 or 11:30 at night. I cut into the walnut, and worked away enough of the green outer peel to show the nut inside. Then I went and showed Sweetie. He was very interested. Clearly had no idea how walnuts grew.

Now I mentioned it was late. When I was done cutting into the nut, I threw it and all the bits of peel in the trash, rinsed my knife, rinsed my hands, and headed right to bed.

The next morning, I woke up, had a shower, got clothes on, and stopped to brush my teeth when I noticed my hands were BROWN. Seriously stained brown. Dark brown. It looked sort of like a very bad experience with a self tanning lotion, except much more brown than the orangey color the tanner would have been, and it was not on my palms - only on my fingers, both palm side and opposite. I looked like a leper of sorts. It was bad. I tried everything that was in front of me to get it off, including Soft Scrub with bleach. Nothing worked. I had to get out the door. I missed my 8 am meeting because I was working on this stain.

So I get to work, rebound a little from the shock and horror of my hands, and try to get something done. The second e-mail I open tells me I'm supposed to be at a customer meeting at 1 pm. The third e-mail is about taking some customers to lunch in that same area just before the meeting.

Gah! I have brown hands. And the meeting is at least an hour away driving time. It's just after 9 am at this point. And... There's no way I can leave work at that moment because there were some other things that had to get done.

So I took some deep breaths and conjured up a plan. Cancel lunch. Get the stuff done asap, then head out and stop home before heading out to the customer's site. At home, I will try every chemical concoction available to get my hands white again. Or whatever fleashy peachy color they are normally.

This plan is orchestrated. I get home, run in the house, and immediately start trying everything. Turpentine. Lighter Fluid. Gasoline? Nope, didn't find any. Vanilla Sugar Salt Scrub from Bath & Body Works. More Soft Scrub. A Brillo Pad.

By now my hands are looking reddish below the brown stain. And they are so dry they hurt.

In the midst of all this, I got lighter fluid on my shirt, and would have surely smelled like it for the remainder of the day. So I had to change. The shirt came off and I ran around shirtless for the second two-thirds of this fiasco. Then on a run between the upstairs bathroom and the kitchen sink, I tripped on the cat and went flying. Then I had carpet burn on my wretchedly dried out, stained hands too. Would this never end?

The chemicals did nothing. The salt scrub did lighten the stain considerably.

Nothing at all helped my fingernails. Did I mention they were brown too? They were possibly the worst part of all. Ugly.

So I got a big ring to put on, and hoped it would draw attention away from the brownness. But I had to do something about my nails. I grabbed some dark red polish and headed out the door.

I used the stop sign at the end of my street and two stop lights to do my make-up. (My make-up never got applied after the toothbrushing that morning, since I was side tracked with the hand phenomenon.) After that second stop light, it was all freeway. So there I was, trying to figure out how to paint my nails, get something to eat, and have the nails dry in time to be at this meeting at 1. So I got off three exits early and found a parking lot. Sweetie called. I told him I was in the midst of a crisis and had to go. He kept me on the phone for three minutes anyhow, cuz that's just his way. I got my nails painted. Turned on the air conditioning full blast, and got ready to drive away, alternating hands in front of the blower. The phone rang. Dammit. I couldn't not answer it because it might have been the customer I was going to meet with. So I gingerly grabbed at it and wiggled it from where it was in the mess of crap on the front passenger's seat. I wrecked only two nails in this process. It was Sweetie. God Dammit. I told him to go away so I could finish pulling off a miracle cure for a very bad situation. Fixed the nails, and drove off toward the freeway. Found a Wendy's. Went through the drivethru for fries. Great for my diet, eh? Made it to the customer's building with 6 minutes to spare, perfect make-up, and dry nails.

The moral of the story is, don't touch a funky lime that appears on your gate latch. You'll be sorry you did.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

There happens to be a bug up my ass.

And the bug is to clean and organize everything. Absolutely everything. And catch up on everything that dawdles in the "behind" status. Y'all heard of the "5S" approach? Yeah. It's happening to my life.

I am realizing how intense and serious this last bout of depression has been. Realizing how those thoughts were NOT normal. I am on a mission to correct all the things in life that are bothering me to the core.

This bug may just save my life.

I'm very proud and happy to report that I'm making progress and I'm feeling good about it.

I'm also learning not to make everyone else's problems my own. I'm very very bad with that.

Such a vague and non-specific post I guess, but it's what I had to say.

Friday, August 05, 2005

Yeesh. This is spooky.

Spooky because I HATE guns so much that I've often said I've either been killed by a gun in a past life or will be in this life.

You scored as Gunshot. Your death will be by gunshot, probably because you are some important person or whatever. Possibly a sniper, nice, quick, clean shot to the head. Just beautiful.







Cut Throat














Natural Causes






How Will You Die??
created with

Super Quick Update...

My sister has gone in for her shadowing and all that stuff for her job. She's just waiting for them to finish the red tape stuff, like a background check, scheduling her for a drug screen, etc. So it's almost in the bag.

My honeypie is just as close to his new job. He got a few emails and a call now. They are waiting for some paperwork to happen internally before they can extend a formal offer.

I'm a little scared actually. It's starting to seem too good to be true. We'd work a quarter mile from each other, which would be super convenient. We'd make enough to get our house, pay off the rest of our debt, well, except student loans, and pretty much pay cash for our wedding. Then we could easily replace his car with something better and be all set. I think as soon as we buy the first house together, we'll be in a good position. At that point, our bills should be feasibly paid by only one salary in a pinch, so we'll have a lot more security than we do now. Since I don't plan on staying home with a baby, and even if for some reason I had to, you don't give birth spontaneously without the 10 month or so pregancy, we should be able to put a small savings account together too. A "just in case" thing that we've always talked about wanting but never actually got a chance to put together because we owe everyone under the sun money.

I have a very important rant to make later. I just simply don't have time right now. I'll get to it though. If I don't get it off my chest I'll either explode or kill my Honeypie or both. Eeesh.

Bettie Page....

So I'm sure she's a classic icon, and I'd probably have been a big fan, except I now associate her name with someone who I'd just rather not be reminded of...

My best friend Sweet Tea used to date this huge moron when she lived in Michigan. He was such a tool. Super young and obnoxious. I think she initially liked the bad boy thing, but he was really only good for about three dates and then the interest would certainly have warn off considerably. However, reality was clouded by the intervening of outside forces. This guy took her out for two minutes, and she moved to Michigan. She left everything and everyone behind, and was obviously homesick, as any of us would be. This guy worked his charm over the phone and then came chasing her across the country. So of course they shacked up, and then one thing lead to another, and she was kinda stuck for awhile.

Anyhow, I did not like this guy much, and he LOVED Betty Page. I truly had not even heard of her before he was around, so I have the association thing going on pretty strong.

Quiz of the Day

You are Bettie Page!
You're Bettie Page!

What Classic Pin-Up Are You?
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Tuesday, August 02, 2005


I knew good things were about to start happening. My man got an email that basically said he was a shoe in for the job he wants, and my sister GOT HER JOB. She starts tomorrow!!

Happiness post for today

I almost forgot!

My post for today of what brings me happiness is....

Hope. Something nobody can every really take away from me.

What a great day.

I feel good.

Lots got done this week already, and it's only Tuesday morning. One of the best weeks I've had going in a long time.

I guess some background info is in order... I finished school last year in December. Then proceeded to do some hardcore tutoring that took just as much time as going to class myself. I did the work full time/go to school full time plus a bit extra for about 4 years straight. Sooo... I literally had closets and cupboards that were not touched AT ALL during those years. I lived on the fly. It had to be done. It was the only way to meet the demands of work, school, and family - simply forget about demands of home, personal stuff, and a social life. It sounds crappy, and it was, but it worked. I managed to keep my career on track, come out with my head above water (albeit barely) financially, and finish my masters degree. So needless to say, I started this year burnt out beyond belief and in the middle of a huge mess. I had just started a new position at the same company I'd been at for awhile, but I was a bit behind, as new positions typically demand a bit more of you in the first few months to a year. So I've been trying desparately to catch up laundry, mending, dry cleaning, and just plain clean up my life. Last night I got through a box of pots and pans, a ton of dishes, made a huge dent in organizing bags and bags of various "stuff," did some laundry, actually cooked dinner, and got some work done. And in the end, I even had enough energy for a shower and a chapter or two of Harry Potter. Not bad, huh? All on a Monday, after a full day of effort at work.

Hey - did you catch that - I actually COOKED dinner. Not only did I cook dinner, but I made it up as I went along. The man ate it. May not have been his favorite dish ever, but he ate it nonetheless. I made quinoa cooked in vegetable stock, stir fried zucchini with spices and parmesan cheese, and chicken. (The chicken was for him, of course, but I did taste three bites of it myself. And didn't like it. My taste for meat is completely gone. Kaput.)

So here's the reward system I'm working towards... As soon as ALL the floors are done, including the basement floor, and the walls are washed at my place that is for sale, I'm getting my nails done and planning either a dinner party or a BBQ.

I wish I knew how to get the man onboard with all this effort. He came home in a humdrum sort of mood last night and proceeded to sit on his butt and watch television and surf the net all evening. I even ran out to get him some ice cream and a package of hohos because he was craving chocolate, thinking that would make him smile and brighten his spirits a little. Didn't really work.

I hope he gets a job offer today. He is still working, but he was hired in as a contract, and that initial contract expires at the end of this week. He's got three things on the horizon. First, the place he's at is allegedly working on making him an offer to stay permanently. Second, he had a phone interview, and two in person interviews for a job that sounds like a great fit, and he's supposed to hear back on that this week. Third, Toyota needs someone in Ann Arbor to do a job that he's completely qualified for, and he sent in his resume through an existing employee. They are apparently looking over resumes this week and next, and will start scheduling resumes immediately afterwards.

I really think the one will pan out that he went through all the interviews for. They put him through a series of tests that I know most people couldn't do.

I was hoping for some sort of sign that things were going to be okay for us. Specifically, I walked down the hallway to grab some lunch yesterday wishing he'd have a stroke of luck. I got my change from the cashier and had a wheat penny in it! How lucky is that? :-) I haven't seen one of those in circulation in years.

Monday, August 01, 2005


This is a great idea! It came from For the whole month of August, every day, you have to blog something that has brought you happiness.

So my first entry for today, August 1st, is my Grandparents. They've made me happy countless times for a whole lifetime, and their love has been the most unconditional of any.

Fun stuff over the weekend

Hey - I really did go have some fun on Friday. (Can you believe it???) We went and hung out with my future sil and her boyfriend. They are a Brady Bunch of sorts, she has three children and he has two, and it just so happened that neither had any children in the house, so it was party time at their place.

And... I met a guy who is a painter, so I've basically hired him unless his price comes back ridiculous.

I learned a very valuable lesson at the end of that night... I will be far more careful what I discuss openly with that future sil. She complained to me a couple weeks ago about her boyfriend's ex wife refusing to take care of their children while he went away on a certification trip for some school thing he's been working on. His parent's wouldn't or couldn't take them either. She was bummed because it would have been a weekend all to herself. (What girl doesn't dream of that?) But instead she was with a six year old and a two year old all weekend. Dreams of bubble baths and long naps in silence became a reality of all that comes with tending to small children. So in this original conversation, I told her that her bf was lucky, cuz I'd have refused. Having been through a divorce and knowing full well how people can't play nice with each other after the fact, I'd have refused to be a pawn in the game that is her bf's divorce situation with his ex. Further, I'd have refused to sacrifice my sacred weekend of peace in that given circumstance. (From what she said, he pretty much just assumed she'd take care of them as if they were her own kids, and didn't really discuss it much. Just made plans for his trip and left.) So I didn't say that he was horrid for "expecting" her to watch the kids. I simply told her he was lucky to have her because I'd have refused to do it if it were me. Big difference.

In that same basic weekend, we also talked about his funky habits of disappearing in a free for all bar hop with buddies and showing up at 5 a.m. or not at all. (Again, of course, a conversation she initiated.) This would not fly with me if it happened on a regular basis with a live-in bf that I was supposed to be planning a future with. Oh no. Not a chance. I wouldn't up and take off on a drinking binge and show up at 5 a.m. leaving a significant other to worry about me even once, much less on a regular basis. And, I and any potential sigificant other do not have small children at the home we'd share either. That just seems to make it even worse. Well of course I told future sil that I wouldn't stand for that crap. I'm not going to lie to her. I hate dishonesty. So she went on about how she's working on herself right now, and learning to control feelings of anger that don't serve any good purpose. Sounds good so far. She explained that getting angry and fighting or yelling at him didn't help him with the problems he was having, nor did it do any good for their budding relationship, nor did it do any good for her. She seemed to be seeking a response or some sort of acknowledgement of her efforts, so I gave her one. I told her the truth. I said it was great she was working on controlling her emotions and emotional responses, but it didn't make much sense to turn your cheek to just about anything just to avoid feeling anger. I could use a little more patience and understanding myself, but that doesn't mean I'm going to let anyone walk all over me. I mentioned the importance of having personal boundaries, which are so essential for any successful relationship of any kind. I happen to be one who has a history of not being good at establishing and enforcing personal boundaries, and I've been through multiple therapists working on this very issue. So while that doesn't make me an expert, it does give me a background understanding that tells me having no boundaries in an attempt to stop yelling and/or feeling and expressing anger is a very very bad thing. Even if it's part of working on yourself. Boundaries are important. Again, I was honest. I hate dishonesty.

But there are a few things I hate worse than dishonesty. Vicious gossip. Spineless behavior. Strategically placing blame on others. There's just a few.

So in the middle of Friday night's activities, the gals, meaning future sil and I, went inside. The boys, meaning my honey and future sil's bf, along with the neighbor boy who came over to play too, played darts in the garage. It was a beautiful night.

While the gals were in the house chatting away with girl talk, the future sil's bf made several attempts to engage my better half in a discussion about me. He was particularly concerned with my having expressed feelings to fsil that he was treating her like a "doormat," and also with my having had a "problem" with him leaving his kids with her when he went on his certification trip. He said several times that he thought it was time he and I had a "conversation." My man simply avoided the conversation and continued the dart game. However, he did encourage fsil's bf to go ahead and talk to me about things if he had issues. (Which I applaud.)

Now I will first say that fsil's bf will not have to hunt me down to have this conversation. I will find him. Possibly tonight. I'm very big on two things relevant here: one is COMMUNICATION and the other is not leaving silly dumb shit fester unecessarily.

So we leave their house on Friday, and head home, which is only about 8 blocks. On the way home, my honey tells me what was said during the dart game. He didn't say it in a gossipy way. He actually said that the bf might call or come over because he voiced some issues and a desire to have a private talk with me. It was only when I asked about it and prodded a little that the whole story came out.

Clearly my first reaction was similar to shock. What on earth was the bf even talking about? A doormat? WTF? I hadn't said anything directly bad about him in any way.

So I went home and thought about it... And I think I see it all clearly now. Fsil went ahead and told him about my assessment of her "working on herself" and witholding all feelings and actions of anger or frustration. What I said was that I wouldn't let people walk all over me. In their discussion, me saying that I wouldn't let people walk all over me seems to have transcended into me saying that he treats her like a doormat and walks all over her. Not quite the same statement. So sure, it's frustrating, but I see where it came from.

The other one is a bit more disheartening. It appears that I became the catalyst for a private conversation about where her responsibilities start and end. It appears that her attempt to stand up and tell him she was bummed about his simply leaving the kids with her as if they are her responsibility came out with a whole lot of emphasis on what I thought and felt. With a little of it even made up for good measure, since I never really expressed any personal dismay over him leaving. I only spoke in terms of my own boundaries. I would not have tolerated it if he were my bf.

So what she told him seems to be, in plain terms, a catty lie of sorts. I am surprised. I really thought she and I had a great friendship. I didn't think she'd stoop to speaking bad of me or "using" me for her own agenda in her relationship. She should be able to open her mouth and tell her bf exactly what she thinks and feels about things, and further, if the two are in love to any degree, everything should have room for compromise. Even carousing til 5 a.m. on a whim and sleeping the whole next day.

I don't judge either of them. Different strokes for different folks. If they are both happy in their given situation, then their situation shouldn't change. It's that simple. But I see red flags. Fsil came out of a bad marriage where she was very much overpowered and controlled. Her sanity came from the things in her life she could control. (Very common!!!) So it's highly possible that she's susceptible to falling into the same type of situation. And, it's highly likely that she, like so many of us gals, will focus on the nitty gritty details instead of the big picture. I've been there. I've made the biggest mistakes of anyone I know. But I've never had to open a conversation with my significant other by voicing an issue as someone else's judgment or opinion rather than my own. And, hopefully, my sigificant other really wouldn't give a rat's ass about anyone else's opinion on a private matter anyway.

So I will discuss this collection of misconceptions with fsil's bf, but I will not address this with the fsil herself. I've been very open and honest with her and I'll take this incident as proof that I need to smile and nod when she seeks opinion or approval rather than make her privy to my thoughts.

It's funny how trust works. Suddenly I have to think about her "version" of things as told to any other common parties. What does she really tell her mother?? (Who incidentally hasn't spoken to us since September 2004.) What does she really tell her father? If she's that manipulative with her bf, how manipulative is she with others?

I had sil drama in my past life with husband number one. This isn't my first rodeo. The drama stops here.

But I do feel bad. I'll pray she grows big enough kahunas to actually speak for herself in a relationship.

Happy August!

Although August is not usually welcomed in my world. It's the last pretty summer month before Fall starts to rear it's ugly head. And I'm not looking forward to inching toward cold weather. We have to get a house going. ASAP. Fall is probably not the best time to do it. Then again, I guess if you sign with someone when it's frozen, they can't start your basement until it thaws, so that wouldn't be too bad.