Sunday, June 14, 2009

Forgive, but don't necessarily forget...

Regarding the latest blog scam, April Rose, I am happy to have not sent anything or become embroiled in the scandal of it all. I have stepped in a few piles of Internet poo in recent years. Thankfully, not this one.

The first people my heart went out to when I read about the deceit were those who had been close supporters for any length of time. I was a daily supporter of Gina, the fake Cystic Fibrosis patient, and her friend Paul. That was the biggest one. There was also a Caringbridge baby that I followed daily for awhile that mysteriously disappeared under funny circumstances, smelling of falsity and deceit. When it happens, you really feel taken advantage of. As if you've offered your heart and hand in friendship, and you get punched in the gut in return.

But I also feel bad for Becca Beushausen. She's got issues. I know when you lose a baby, under any circumstances, it's painful. My first pregnancy lost was the hardest, and I was sure it was a girl. I nicknamed her Peaches, because that's all I wanted to eat, day and night, were peaches. I'm here to tell you, Internet, I am one of the toughest, least emotionally charged people I know. I am stable. A thinker. A realist, a rationalizer. I didn't think the whole thing bothered me that badly.

Guess what? When I looked at the calendar on my expected due date, months and months after the loss, I was a wreck. So many uncharacteristic thoughts of what could have been. Then "her" expected one year birthday. Then "her" expected two year birthday. And I'll tell you, it's just plain ridiculous how my mind would go bonkers with these images and daydreams of what she might have looked like, and how we might have celebrated her life, etc. Not to mention the constant thoughts and wonders if there really was anything wrong with that baby and if you should ever try for another.

So, as far as the pain that goes with losing a baby, I feel for Beccah. It's painful. And I feel for her especially because being obviously more tempermental and dramatic and emotional than I could ever be, I'm sure it's even MORE painful for her than me, or even maybe most.

Unfortunately, despite the condolences for her pain and grief, there is one major glaring difference. My thoughts of what my baby might have been stayed in my head. They didn't twist themselves all up into a bunch and explode onto a blog transcending into the form of a story about a make-believe baby in a make-believe situation. If her blog were private, entirely, and her own make-believe place to write her fiction and have her outlet, none of us would be talking about it now. But it was public, on purpose. When the first little baby gift arrived, it didn't serve as a big kick in her head that jostled her capacity to feel guilt and snap into reality, correcting things immediately before they went further. Nope. Instead, each detail that happened seemed to pull her further into her world of deceit.

That part doesn't even make me the angriest. The worst part of all, is the way she basically mooned the entire Internet, and took us all for fools. She posted pictures of a doll expecting nobody would figure it out. Can anyone really be so arrogant as to think nobody would notice? This saddens me above all else. She took her readers to be stupid and gullible.

Normally, when trolls are exposed, I see the troll(s) go away and disappear on the spot. I expect they are shamed and embarrassed. Not Beccah. She did a bit for her local paper, complete with photo. Who does that?

I can almost picture her sitting at a computer desk yelling, "Hey, blog readers! I duped you all! Ha ha! You even believed the pics of my doll that I passed of for a dead or dying baby! And now? I'm gloating in the paper getting attention and fame! Thanks for being so stupid...."

The April Rose blog is now a one page apology. Check it out if you are so inclined.


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