Friday, June 09, 2006

Broke broke broke

OMG I don't think I've ever been this broke! It's going to take us the better of 6 months to catch up. But one day... One day... I will be able to NOT carry a balance on a credit card. Or five credit cards. Ugh.

I remember life before my first marriage. I was in charge. I knew where my money went. I had balance in my life. Money was always available for a little fun here and there, and responsibilities were accounted for and forecasted properly. I bounced one check when I was 18 years old, because I'd been totally dyslexic with the checkbook and just made an honest error. I was only around 4 bucks short, but still, I remember the horror of it all. I was beside myself. I never really liked debt of any sort.

Then came the first marriage. Suddenly, I had no money. And everything I spent money on was scrutinized. That wasn't allowed to proliferate in my world very long. It took 3 weeks, people, and I flat out insisted on SEPARATE accounts and finances, just because he was such an ass. He had a brand new truck, a separate car that he loved and refused to put any mileage on, 4 quadrunners, and a bright, shiny, red, brand spankin new motorcycle. Many things were bought on loan. Me? I had an old Chevy Cavalier. It was about 9 or 10 years old. I'd paid cash for it, and my insurance was very reasonable. I made more money than him, but suddenly, despite having no bills of my own other than a portion of a mortgage payment for housing, insurance, tuition and books three times a year, and a cellular phone, I had no money to spend. Go figure. So we divided up the financial responsibilities of our new "household." He decided that I should pay a greater portion of the bills out of my account because I made more. Fine. He decided that I should pay only things that could not hurt his credit severely if they went unpaid for any reason. Fine, but I had to laugh about it. (I understood his fear. His ex-girlfriend was a bit of a mooch, and never really worked much, and he'd also watched his sisters marry men and then decide that their jobs were now to spend money.)

The divorce certainly left debt. I won't even go there.

I was on my way to being back on track. But this wedding really set us back by a landslide. It was so worth it. I look forward to the next 6 months of eating at home and living as cheaply as possible. With my new wonderful husband. Who I love more than anything earthly and tangible. With a love that makes me tingly and overcome with a rush of emotion every time I think about it.

Now, we've just come together with our respective piles of debt, threw it all in one pile, and then had a big expensive wedding on top of it.

And true to the "American dream," with all this debt in mind, I still stopped at two houses yesterday that were for sale and had flyers out front. :-P

I buy what I really need, and he buys what he really needs, and neither of us could possibly give a shit less. It's only money. What a difference love and respect and compatibility have in a marriage, eh? I don't think he's ever asked me what anything cost, and I know for a fact I've never asked him.

Blissfully, we've lived through times when we were both unemployed, not by choice of course, and lived to look back on those times as the best we've ever had.

If I see a star tonight, I'll wish that other couples can manage to not focus on money as being so important, much less cause for arguments.


Blogger ~Deb said...

They say that money is the ruin of a lot of relationships and marriages, but I say---it's if you let it.

Great post!

Fri Jun 09, 12:09:00 PM GMT-5  

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